I turned 30 the day before yesterday and already, I’ve lost count of the number of times someone’s asked me: “So are you scared about turning thirty? Are you going to have a melt-down?”

A melt-down?!?

I guess it’s not surprising that they ask. It happens a lot, or so I hear. But I don’t think it’s actually turning the big three-oh that makes some people fall apart. I think it’s the same force that’s behind New Years melt-downs and Valentine’s melt-downs and yes, even Christmas melt-downs. It’s that they’re moments which are especially conducive to introspection. And not just any introspection – that nasty, melancholy, super-critical and depressing introspection during which you look around you and only notice the shiny happy people. Everyone goes there at some point in their lives.

As for me… I visited that place a long time ago (and yes, more than once) but not on my thirtieth birthday. The closest I came to a melt-down was eating a scrumptious grilled-cheese sandwich in Chilliwack the day before. (Ha ha, get it? I kill me.)

The thing is, there are so many things that I am so NOT going to miss! So without further ado…

Top 20 Things About My 20s That I’m Looking Forward
To Saying Goodbye To
***********************************************

20. Awkward first dates, especially the fighting-over-the-bill part.
My daddy taught me that nothing comes for free and that boys are bad.

19. Worrying about wearing the right thing.
Screw it, I’m gonna wear what I wanna to wear. If you don’t like it, don’t look.

18. Zits.

17. Trying to “find myself” by leaving the country.
Nope, I’m not there, either.

16. Not knowing how to feed myself.
The Freshman Fifteen phase was real bad… or in my case, the France Fifteen. Damn baguettes.

15. Being too timid to make a new friend/point out an error/demand to see the manager.

14. Curling irons.
I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I will never have that lovely, full, messy, curly look. Ever.

13. Student loans.

12. Bad makeup.
Blue eyeliner, sparkles and orange cover-up went out for a reason.

11. Roommates.
For the most part, I lucked out with mine except for the times I had to pretend not to hear heads thumping on walls. You know who you are.

10. The pain of trying to figure out how to do those boring but necessary things that parents used to do for you: taxes, passports, hydro set-ups, banking, change of address forms, health insurance, etc.
At least it’s like riding a bike – once you do it, you won’t forget.

9. Having to include my high school info / clubs / volunteer work on my resume.
Thank God I can finally forget those Okotoks days… and bury that 2nd Prize in the Annual Typing Competition award.

8. Mediocre to downright sucky make-out sessions.

7. Silly friend dramas.

6. Obsessing about how small my boobs are.
Yay Shakira.

5. Agonizing over what I want to be when I grow up.
It’s more important to agonize over ‘who’ you want to be. I finally get it.

4. Not knowing how to say sorry and when to say thank you.

3. Undervaluing the advice of my parents.
Contrary to popular belief, 9.5 times out of 10, they’re right.

2. Worrying about what “Other People” will say.
I never did figure out exactly who these phantom people were.

… and the number one thing to say goodbye to from my twenties:

1. Underestimating myself!

Bye Twenties! And Hello, Thirties. Bring it on.

Boots courtesy of Mama K who was quite the diva and, on top of that,

had the foresight to save her butt-kickin’ boots to pass down to me.